Miracle of Miracles – Mar. 5th, 2007

November 24, 2008 at 2:37 am Leave a comment

you guys might remember my meeting with destiny when I walked away unscratched from that car wreck in college that easily could have killed me if things hadn’t timed themselves just right… well… god has spared me one more time. 🙂

This weekend Sean and I were in NYC for a James Ray Workshop (guy on Oprah from The Secret) and through a lot of soul searching, that fateful car trip had been on my mind (now this seems oddly coincidental). I was thinking about how connected to God I was then and how that wreck didn’t really affect my life course that much because I was already connected… I’m less connected now, just by not meditating as much, or praying as much, or seeking guidance with daily questions… so I wondered if I would have allowed that connection to disipate as much as I have, had I realized the gravity of it. The gravity of having a purpose and making sure I’m connected so I stay on track, always checking in with self and with higher consciousness to remember or redefine what that purpose might be. It was as if I was saying to myself… I need to remember that life is short to get my butt in gear… PRESTO CHANGO… HERE’S YOUR REMINDER!

You guys may or may not know this, but since 2001 I haven’t been fairly nervous on airplanes…not sure if it was Sept. 11th or having the piss scared out of me with that car wreck, or falling in love with sean and feeling like i have more to loose now than before… but in 1998 I was jumping out of them and since 2002 I’ve been white-knuckle gripping the seat and panting with anxiety. A friend was kind enough to score me some anti-anxiety meds that I take just for this purpose and it’s helped, but the last few flights, I’ve tried to see if I could get away without it… as I did last night.

I didn’t worry much… knew it would be a challenge for me, but knew i’d done it before many times without them. The take off was rocky… lots of turbulance and oddly slow… a snow storm was supposed to be coming in, but what had my heart racing was the fact that we were barely moving… kind of circling the city in a wobbly way… and we weren’t climbing…we were staying right at the cloud level which was part of what made it so wobbly… I knew it wasn’t right but I was keeping my cool… Sean was coaching me with deep breaths… and then the flight attendant said with a light and happy voice, “guys, we’re experiencing some problems and we’re going to have you down on the ground in just a minute. There seems to be a crack in the windshield and we’re just taking it slow and waiting for clearance to re-land.” of course your mind is racing… thinking “is she being real, or trying to keep people calm… is it worse than this, what happens if the window blows out and we loose cabin pressure.. how will i know?” and all the while the air vents are changing in pressure and wobbling and spiratic dropping of altitude… it was truly terrifying… not that I would have let Sean know, or said it outloud… i just kept asking him to keep me calm, tell me he loved me, hold my hand, breathe with me… and then my thoughts turned to the captain… as we lowered… knowing that any second he could loose his cool or loose faith in himself, or the situation could worsen… knowing that the closer to the ground, the less time we’d have to recover from loss of control… so i just stared at the door… through the door, really… in the direction of where i knew he would be sitting and i kept repeating in my head and under my breath… “faith and love, faith and love faith and love, you can do this, believe in yourself you can do this, you can do this… faith in love” it was from a quote that had stuck with me from the weekend… “With any situation you have two choices, step forward into faith and power, or step backward into fear.” It’s so easy to feel the fear, but what we really need to embrace in times like this is our inner strength. My inner chant became a full on whisper that sped up until the words were inseperable until we finally felt all wheels touch down, and out the right-side window, you could see the flashing lights of fire trucks and ambulances, letting us know that what we had just experienced was no small thing.

again the flight attendant came on, “folks, we’re safe and landed at JFK, (we’d taken off from LGA) and I’m sure we’ll hear more from the captain in just a few minutes. for now just sit tight and we appreciate your patience.” The tears and release rolled slowly down my face… a shiver uncontrolably rivetted my body… probably from the adrenaline, starting at my abdomen and moving up. i began expressing to sean how present with me the memory of my car wreck was at that very moment. The co-captain (a woman’s voice) came on… “Thank you so much everyone for your understanding… Safety comes first of course. As we took off, our windshield cracked pretty badly on the captain’s side and we weren’t sure how long it was going to hold. We decided to land at JFK because they have a longer runway, but in just a few minutes we’ll have some more information for you on how we’ll get you onto your destination. Thanks again for understanding and we appreciate your patience.”

My tears became more intense with the realization of how close we came to losing our chance to impact the world for the better, to experience these human joys and challenges any longer… i didnt’ cry the way i wanted to… i wanted to sob and wail… i wanted to shake and convulse until i had no energy left, but i knew doing so wouldn’t serve me or any of the people around me. Sean was the only one aware of the depth of my gratitude for life along with the realization of how quickly it can go. I thought of my mom and felt deep regret and sadness, wondering what the opposite outcome would have meant for her, wondering if she would have felt my love… if i had given her enough.

i then pulled it together and spent the rest of the night reacting as most did, making light, nervous giddy laughter, feeling frustrated about options of returning, wondering if I could get on another plane and do it all again,… the group had bonded out of the experience and it truly felt like a scene from the tv show LOST…

We were given a hotel room for the night and flown out this morning at 8am, but not without my double dosage of happy pills. 😉

If I learned anything from the experience it is that once again, life is short and you have to make the most of it… and for me making the most of it has to do with sharing whatever gifts I can with the world. For a while I’ve been dreaming of starting a coaching business and finding someone to takeover where I leave off with SB Photography. I worked on that topic most of the weekend and perhaps the Windshield Malfunction was the final catalyst for change.

I share this story with you for several reasons. one, it feels good to talk about it and to emote what it was like. two, i hope i described it well enough so that you were able to experience vicariously the importance of staying on path.

how many chances do we get in a lifetime? how many reminders do we need?

If for any reason, in any area of your life isn’t fulfilling you right now, i challenge you to dig deep and find the source of that discontent and do something about it immediately! You have complete control of your happiness and truly believe that the greatest gift you can give to the world is by doing those things that bring you the utmost joy. If everyone in this world were joyful, there would be fewer atrocities and injustices, fewer resentments and arguments, less of all things negative.

If i could offer anything it would be the following:

Feel good

ask myself questions about what makes me happy, when i feel valued, etc.

ask open ended questions to god and wait for answers

talk to god more, i mean, why not… he’s/she’s there!

give more to everyone i encounter

let go of things and responsibilities that burden me

focus on gratitude

wake up each morning happy, smiling and doing everything possible to offer that joy to everyone I meet

and so much more

i love you guys. carpe diem!
-heather

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Welcome to BLISSfix! EnJoy the state of Being In Joy – Jul 17th, 2007

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