day 60 – I DO Love Myself! (June 12, 2008)

November 25, 2008 at 4:31 am Leave a comment

day60I cannot say enough about Louise Hay’s new movie, You Can Heal Your Life.  www.youcanhealyourlifemovie.com from this site you can watch it online or buy it on DVD through Amazon.

I bought this movie a few months ago, and every time I re-watch it, I’m at a new consciousness level and different aspects stand out to me.  Today I paid a lot of attention to the affirmations they encourage.  One lady mentions that she does her affirmation like reps in a gym, instead of lifting weights, she’s repeating the words.  I remembered having done that once while exercising.  Saying half the affirmation silently with the inhale and lift, and the other half, with the exhale and release.  I remembered it working well, so I set out for a brisk walk and an intention to heal.

There is a part in the movie that I had been drawn to where the main character grows to a space where she’s ready to say “I love myself, therefor I take loving care of my body. I love myself, therefor I treat everyone I meet with love and kindness…”  After this series of “I love myself, therefor” statements, she experiences real transformation.  I decided I was ready for this.  I’d been contemplating this question of “do I love myself” for over a week and I was starting to hear an answer of “Yes.”  Now it was time to deepen it.

I love myself, therefor I listen to my inner voice, my intuition.
I love myself, therefor I entertain myself with uplifting media.
I love myself, therefore I do the best i can and then I let go.
I love myself, therefor I exercise to raise my energetic vibration.
I love myself, therefor I say what I mean in a loving way.
I love myself, therefor I invest in transformational healing work and products.
I love myself, therefor I take myself to Agape.
I love myself, therefor I volunteer and give to others because it feels good.
I love myself, therefor I take care of my appearance.
I love myself, therefor I live in a place that makes me feel good.

This continued on and on as I intuitively cut a path through the neighborhood.  Halfway through the walk the path i was on dead ended in front of a statue of a mom, dad, baby and young child.  I didn’t miss the symbolic nature of what I’ve been healing and this coincidental crossing.  I stepped lightly up to the statue, hugged it for about 15 seconds, stepped back and jovially continued on my journey.  I love that I’m free to be a little weird here… there’s an understanding in a large city known for odd behaving people, act however you want, no one you know is going to see you, and even if they did, they wouldn’t judge you for it.

The walk led to the ocean as the sun was setting.  Still repeating my affirmations in my head, smiling and meeting eyes with all passers-by, i turned back toward home. At some point the affirmation became a conversation and a realization of my breakthrough with Joshua last night.  He had said to me, “You always do that.  You’re always able to take it and flip a negative into a positive belief.  It’s great!” and it occurred to me that I had some flip-able beliefs in my life.

Realization 1.  If I believe that all pain is love in disguise and that all things are her for our development and unfoldment, then EVERYTHING in my life is hear to serve me.  So something good, something beneficial has emerged from the attachment ‘disorder’ and the abandonment while in the womb.

Realization 2.  I was reading people’s energy today as I found myself thinking something and seconds later, someone in the room would say that exact phrase.  I was able to read the energy and know what was coming next.  I did this at church Wed. night as well, so this is really happening.  This is a gift, and its important that I see it that way.  Its also important that I learn to be able to tell when it’s my energy that i’m experiencing and when its someone else’s.  I realized that my ill feelings following the volunteer work were because I was still experiencing the fears of the people I had connected with there, because they echoed in me the fears of my mother from before.  In being able to see that it wasn’t my fear, its much easier to release it.

Realization 3.  If this is a gift, how did it come about?  How did I learn to do this?  What if, because my dad left and my mom experienced so much pain in the 8th month of pregnancy, and all those hormones, emotions and experiences pumped into my little fetus body and brain, I learned it was important to read and understand other’s energy because it was going to affect me.  What if he hadn’t left at all, or had waited until I was out of the womb?  Would I still have this ability to read energy?  Would I still be able to relate to others and feel what they are feeling as much as i do now?  Would i be as effective in helping people without this gift?  It seemed that my brain was finally adding up what my soul already knew to be true… I chose this incarnation because of the gifts I would gain from the pain.  I knew that this particular scenario would allow me to grow and develop in a way that would enable me to help others.

Realization 4.  If that was a blessing, then the being alone for the first three days of life must have been a blessing, too.  What have I gained from the attachment ‘disorder?’  All of a sudden I realized that because I distanced myself from others and authority figures growing up, it allowed me to not pattern identically after the people who raised me, but to skillfully select the attributes of each parent and role model in my life, taking what I liked and leaving the rest.  If i had bonded appropriately, it may have been harder for me to strike out on my own path.  I may never have found my current belief system for fear of letting go of my safe and original belief system.  I would not be me, whom I love!!!, and that would be disappointing.

Realization 5.  If both of these served me, it must have been an easy decision for my soul to pick these circumstances as the benefits far outweigh the sacrifice and the sacrifice isn’t permanent!  If I knew the entire story before picking an incarnation, i’d know that in 30 short years, I’d be addressing these things and reversing the adverse effects and embracing the benefits.  What’s not to love about this scenario!?

So with one hour of exercise, a few conscious, earnestly stated affirmations, and an openness to shifting how I look at things, I honed an entire new belief system that is much more supportive, loving and accepting of the way things were… and are now.  i am so grateful for this experience… it didn’t feel like I figured it out, it felt more like it was being explained to me… like I was being cared for by the universe.  It was delightful!

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Entry filed under: BLISSfix Roadtrip 2008, Conscious Movies. Tags: , .

day 59 – WWBFN? (June 11, 2008) day 61 – My Scarriest Challenge Yet (June 13, 2008)

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