Posts filed under ‘BLISSfix Journal’

Moment of Clarity

There is no such thing as a shadow… It only indicates the presence of a judgment blocking the light.

– from a moment of clarity during a focusing session using Inner Relationship Focusing as taught by Gina Ceniose

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February 10, 2012 at 1:13 am Leave a comment

I’ve got’cha right where I want’cha!

Blog…. oh, how I’ve missed you.

Last night I was watching a surprisingly good movie… surprising for three reasons… 1) I’d never heard of it, 2) the biggest name actor in the movie was the mom from Gilmore Girls, and 3) something about the cover and the title looked “typical.”  Also curious, it seemed fairly mainstream for a Sundance Film Festival flick.   It’s called The Answer Man and is really quite funny/clever with a lovable cameo from the guy who played “Buster” in Arrested Development.

Anyway… the premise is this… Arlen Faber, author of the book ME & GOD, while his book is wildly successful cornering 10% of the God market, he himself is a crotchety, angry, middle-aged man still searching for meaning and cornering himself off from civilizational as much as possible in his deceased father’s downtown Philadelphia townhome.  He meets Elizabeth after crawling on all fours into her chiropractic business.  In trying to woo her and through a relationship painfully forged with Chris, the book store owner down the street, he begins to soften, get out of his head, reconnect with people and admit his faults…

ok, so that was a fairly awful synopsis, however… hopefully you get the picture enough to understand the context about what I really want to share from the movie.

The book store owner works out a deal with Arlen… he will take 5 of his books in exchange for every 1 answer to his questions about life.  The questions and answers given really touched me.  Especially the first, as it encompasses the exact question I was living in at the moment I turned the movie on… here it is…

Chris: “Why can’t I do the things I want to do.  There’s so much I know I’m actually capable of and I never do them.  Why is that?”

Arlen: “The trick is to realize that you’re always doing what you want to do.  Always.  Nobody’s making you do anything.  Once you get that you see that you’re free and life is really just a series of choices.  Nothing happens to you.  You choose.”

This answer really made me pause and reflect… “I’m right where I want to be in this moment?”  And then image of a villain in an old western played in my head saying “I’ve got’cha right where I want’cha!”  Could this be true?  Could I have myself right where I want myself?

Part of the reason I’ve been MIA from Blogland the last two months is that I’ve really been exploring the options of “what’s next?” in my life.  Where am I going from here?  What career path should I pursue?  What will meet all of my needs both now and in the future?  Should I be a life coach? a therapist? a writer? a documentarian? a Real Charlotte Housewife? or keep doing what I’m doing?

Often while exploring these questions I honored how good I’ve got it now… how much Freedom, Ease and Abundance I now enjoy and at the same time recognizing that I also have needs for Purpose, Meaning, Contribution, Respect, Appreciation, and Mutuality that maybe aren’t currently being met as much as I’d like.  My problem, as I saw it, was stemming from the fact that I couldn’t see or imagine how to meet ALL of those needs at the same time… it seemed in order to pursue the missing ones, I might create stress or financial strain, or difficulty with scheduling and therefor inhibiting both mine and Sean’s sense of Freedom, Ease and Abundance.  I simply couldn’t settle for that… I meditated, searched, and worked on it with my life coach in order to see a way to have it all… and in the meantime, I was going to do my best to sit tight and appreciate what I’ve got.  So this answer… “what i’ve got is exactly what I want” was a curious suggestion to me.  Could it be, that somehow, right where I am is meeting all my needs?

The entire movie reminded me so much of the Conversations with God book series, that I decided to go pull the two I have off the shelf and read them before bed.  I settled on Friendship with God and flipped open to a page that seemed perfect, of course!  (I love doing that and it happens to me all the time!)   I read from page 104-117, and here’s a quick excerpt from the beginning of that section:

from Friendship with God (pages 104 – 107) – (God’s words are italicized)

And has that been so bad for you?” (I heard this as a question of, is where I am right now been so bad for me?  my answer was “no” and Neale Donald Walsh’s response was “no” as well, with some elaboration, which led to a question from him and the following dialog.)

So tell me, how can I learn to trust?

By not having to.

Help me here.

If I don’t want or need anything from you, do I have to trust you for anything?

I suppose not.

You are correct.

So the highest level of trust is not having to trust?

You are correct again.

But how can I get to a place of not wanting or needing anything from You?

By realizing that it’s already yours.  That whatever you need is already yours.  That even before you ask, I will have answered.  Therefore, asking is not necessary.

Because I don’t have to ask for what I already have.

Exactly.

But if I already have it, why would I even think I needed it?

Because you don’t know you already have it.  It is a matter of perception. (This aligns with ACIM)

Do You mean that if I perceive that I need something, I do?

You will *think* that you do.

But if I think that God will meet all my needs, then I will not “think that I do.”

That is correct.  That is why faith is so powerful.  if you have faith that all your needs will always be met, then technically, you have no needs at all.  And this is the truth, of course, and it will become your experience, and so your faith will be “justified.”  Yet all you will have done is change your perception.

What I expect is what I get?

Something like that, yes.  Yet the true Master lives outside the space of expectation.  He expects nothing and desires nothing more than what “shows up.”

Why?

Because he already knows he has everything.  And so he happily accepts whatever part of Everything it is that shows up in any particular moment.

Wow… all my needs ARE met… just my perception is off.  So as spoken about in Marianne Williamson’s book A Return to Love, the only prayer I ever need is, “God, I need a miracle,” which is a shift in perception, in essence saying, “God, please help me see this differently… help me see the Truth here.” 
So let’s do it…  “God, I need a miracle.  Help me see the Truth in my life that all my needs for Freedom, Ease, Abundance, Purpose, Meaning, Contribution, Respect, Appreciation, Peace, Beauty, Love, Mutuality and any others I can think of ARE all met, right here in this now moment.  I accept that what is now, is what is best for me now, otherwise it wouldn’t be here.  I move beyond trust and into knowing that I am safe and free and encouraged to be myself.  And so it is.”

To be continued…

April 27, 2011 at 2:00 pm Leave a comment

Journal Entry – Enough Already!

Kind of like the “Free Beer Tomorrow” sign, this graphic image I created sums up how I’m feeling tonight…  A bit overloaded with the level of self-help I’ve been self-prescribing.  At what point does the human potential movement shift from being constructively motivating leading to positive growth into an endless array of products to consume, all promising awakening, yet some how delivering the message, ‘you’re not there, yet”?  Clearly, as with everything, there is a balance that must be struck, and I teetered off my personal edge about an hour ago.

Truthfully I’m so grateful for all the changes, shifts, progress, challenges, failures, digressions, detours and conduits that have transpired since recent ambitious undertakings like To Be Lists and New Years Resolutions.  I know tomorrow after a good nights rest and a solid meditation, I’ll be refreshed and ready to pound the spiritual growth pavement again… yet in this moment I’m hearing the phrase “Enough already!” (a theme from this weekend’s Embodying the Trancendence Workshop) in a whole new light.

On Saturday, during the fantastic voyage of spinal alignments, breathing exercises and journaled reflections in the company of some really amazing people, that phrase meant… “I’m not lowering my standards ever again!  I’m standing in my power! I’m anchoring my courage!  I’m becoming the woman I am meant to be… I deserve it! God deserves it! and the world deserves it! Amen, Sister!” It was about the fact that playing small and selling out is a disservice to my fellow humans who are also wanting to come into their own, acknowledging that my playing small enables others to also zone out in front of the tube an with some tasty beverages and sweets.  It was about the fact that I believe God lives through me and each one of us and shouldn’t I show God a good time? Give God the best possible life experience I can muster?  Yeah!  why not?! 🙂  And yet, tonight… it has more of a tone of “Enough already… I’ve read 341 books, and attended 24 trainings and workshops, and listened to 1567 hours of motivational talks, and tried meditation rather unsuccessfully at least 55 times, and I’m doing the yoga and trying tai chi and practicing peaceful communication, and I created the dream boards and said the affirmations and drank the potion and learned reiki and received the treatment and got the certification… and… and… and “… when will it be enough?  When will i get to the proverbial “there?”  NEVER!

ah,… what a sad story.  But according to Abraham-Hicks, I’ll never get it done and I’ll never get it right and that’s the point.  There is no “right,” there is no “finish line.”  So I might as well buckle up, forgive myself and enjoy the ride.  So how exactly do I relish in the joy of, as they put it, ‘shooting off of rockets of desire’?… enjoying the process of discovering new things I want AND feeling appreciative of where I am right now and all that I’ve accomplished so that I don’t burn out?

I think it has something to do with what I learned at Cuong Nhu practice today… after each block and hit, I was encouraged to relax to conserve energy.  When I asked for an example, my teacher said, “think about when you catch something… a ball or a falling object… you react quickly and once you’ve caught it, your muscles relax.”  Mastering this skill of relaxing between each movement was supremely challenging for me and with all that building tension, I kept tiring out and feeling the burn big time.  Perhaps this is happening on a psychological level, too, where I’m receiving (catching) all these messages/desires/goals and yet, I don’t pause to relax with each achievement before already setting my eye on the next ambition.  And I am recognizing that this is quite the change from 4 weeks ago when my biggest complaint was feeling paralyzed by overwhelment… I’ve gone from a psychological paraplegic to a triathlete in 28 days…. so “Enough Already!” with the “I’ll be perfect tomorrow” bull malarkey… Time to relax, acknowledge my progress and find that happy medium… again.  And then master the art of relaxing between each step, on and off the mat.

My teacher also talked about reacting to the stimulus (him calling out the command) at the moment it happens, as opposed to being on guard all the time and trying to predict when the next stimulus would be, another energy waster.  In practice today this looked like him getting into a rhythm and then breaking the pattern and me punching the air without the command.  Each time I “dratted” myself, stomped the ground in protest for my flub, and then returned to the position I had abandoned, smiling and laughing as my teacher patiently waited for me to continue.  I know with practice I will one day (maybe tomorrow, haha) be in that zen place of relaxed awareness and capable of reacting at a moments’ notice with total consciousness to whatever is requested of me… wouldn’t it be nice to experience that psychologically, too?  It feels like it’s about trusting myself to react appropriately in any given situation without posturing… something I spend quite a bit of time doing in my quest for perfection.

With all this work, what I really want in this moment is the peace of self-acceptance (relaxing) lovingly balanced with my commitment to live my best life possible (responding) one moment at a time. 

February 28, 2011 at 7:31 pm 4 comments

To Be List – lessons continue

Last week I wrote about creating a To Be List and the challenges that come with it.  All of a sudden, I not only needed to do 5 million things, I also needed to BE 5 million things, as well.  Talk about an impossible challenge.  I needed a way to reign it in and this morning it appeared in my inbox.  Whether by coincidence or directly in response to my blog entry from last Friday, the Ongo Practice this morning was called To Be List.

To fill you in, I signed up for a 3-month-long Ongo several weeks ago given by Catherine Cadden and Jesse Wiens… two of my favorite NVCers.  With that we have daily practices Monday – Friday, weekly group meetings over the phone on Sunday evening, a practice buddy and monthly  one-on-one calls.  We are entering week 3 now and I must say, I’ve very pleased with my decision to be a part of this.

Today’s exercise was perfect for solving my perfectionistic tendency dilemma.  They suggested after meditation, to take a look at my to do list and then next to each item connect with the need that I would like to BE next to it.  I know, I know, this is exactly like what I said before… but for whatever reason, it didn’t sink in until today.  I really like the phrase, “how do I want to be, while I do _______” and I like the practice of connecting with my ‘beingness’ choices, right before ‘doing’ each task… that’s the gift of having them right next to each other.  Here’s a peek at today’s To Do and To Be lists….

February 21, 2011 at 9:29 pm Leave a comment

I love me some tea-time widsom!!

I love me some tea-time wisdom!!!

The universe is a stage.  Your mind dances with your body, guided by your heart.

Mmmm, mmm, mmmm.  That’s some yummy tea with a side of happy thoughts.  This is why I love Yogi Teas!  If you haven’t tried them yet, they are the fortune cookie of teas!  Most of their ingredients are organic and they are herbal remedies in nature.  I love how good I feel when i nurture whatever need is alive in me at the moment by selecting one of these yummy helpful teas to drink instead of eating a cookie! 😉  They’ve got one for everything!  Kava for relaxation, Ginger for digestion, Peach for Detox, Echinacea for Immune Support, and the list goes on.  Yea! for little bits of self-care!

February 21, 2011 at 9:25 pm Leave a comment

The Rule of Agreement

Last night I blogged about ACT – Acceptance Commitment Therapy, and tonight I had an interesting conversation with my friend, Christine, about the Rule of Agreement highlighted in the book Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell.  Christine swears that this one concept revolutionized her work life and continues to improve her relationship to others today.

“One of the most important of the rules that makes improv possible, for example, is the idea of agreement, the notion that a very simple way to create a story – or humor – is to have characters accept everything that happens to them. … Bad improvisers block action, often with a high degree of skill. Good improvizers develop action.”

Christine asserts that by learning to “agree” with everything that comes her way and then simply add to it, that creative energy continues to flow in the brainstorming process.  It applies in business and in every day life.

The moment I internally or externally say “no” to someone or to my own thoughts, it is as if a door to resourceful creative flow closes and refuses open again until the “critic” is at bay.

I noticed this happen internally today as I was experiencing a slurry of funny ideas for a project I’d like to collaborate with a few friends on.  One after the other, ideas were flowing, so many I couldn’t get them all down… three were on the tip of my tongue (or pen in this case, as I was jotting them on paper) and I noticed that I thought, “oh, I can’t use that idea, it’s too negative.” and wooosh! like magic, the other two ideas were gone… I never remembered what they were to write them down.  And they were good, too!  Ever had that happen?  It made me see the value of allowing all thoughts to come and then letting the best ones rise to the top.

This reminds me of ACT simply because agreement with everything is another way of saying accepting everything that comes into my life without judging it.  It also relates very strongly to my training as an Inspired Learning Facilitator.  The Inspired Learning Foundation acknowledges that for learning to take place a safe space of acceptance must be present.  Just think of how many students are labeled ‘stupid’ or ‘learning challenged’ to use a PC term and remain trapped in below average performance because they are simply shut down.  It reminds me of a story told by Catherine Cadden, author of Peaceable Revolution Through Education, when a teacher belittles a child for coloring a banana brown saying, “Everyone knows bananas are yellow,” when in reality, bananas do turn brown when they are older, and they are brown when dipped in chocolate, and perhaps they are brown in low lighting.  If only that teacher had read Blink, perhaps she would have been open to bananas of all colors and that little boy would still feel safe in the creative process.  I digress…

So I’m curious… What is your experience with this?  What memories does this conjure?  Have you noticed any ways that you currently are blocking the flow of creative energy in your work, home or life? What strategies have you successfully used to open that creative flow back up? I’d love to hear any stories you have about practicing this Rule of Agreement and the results!  Please comment below!

January 28, 2011 at 3:51 am 1 comment

ACT – Acceptance Commitment Therapy

A friend just loaned me this book about Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT).  While I wish the authors had chosen a different title that didn’t get a cheesy 80s song stuck in my head and I wish they had done a better job of editing the book to streamline it, I enjoyed learning about ACT, which is summed up fairly well at Wikipedia.  In short it suggests that human suffering comes from attachment to and identification with our thoughts. (This reminds me of Buddhist teaching as well as ACIM).  It suggest awareness/mindfulness as a way to realize that we have choice in how we react to situations and circumstances.  It reminds me of the phrase, “don’t believe everything you think.”  I really enjoyed some of the exercises they suggest in the book to illustrate their points. I shared them with friends like parlor tricks. 🙂

I did notice after reading this book for several days that I was able to ‘watch myself’ react to things, bringing more awareness into the present moment, which was new for me and helpful.

There were also elements of the Law of Attraction scattered through out the book as scientific fact without them every calling it by name.  Simply acknowledging with documented studies that we get what we focus on.

All in all, I wish I could have anchored the “how to get into your life” part of the book a bit more.  I’m interested to hear if anyone out there has any other suggestions for good reads on this topic of mindfulness or awareness.

January 27, 2011 at 3:31 am 1 comment

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